Have you ever experienced the frustration of trying to change a person, believing that you are taking all of the right steps to get a successful result, only to have that person stick to their old habits? It can lead to the most volcanic eruptions of anger, can’t it? We yell. We get red faced. We point fingers. All the while, we completely overlook the most obvious answer to the problem at hand.
The best way to successfully change others is to first change yourself. Wait! Don’t slam your laptop closed. Stick with me here…..
Changing ourselves does not mean we are suddenly taking responsibility for other people’s behavior, but rather focusing our efforts where we actually have a chance of being successful. When we focus on changing ourselves, we get these types of results:
- We change our self-awareness, thus better understanding how we are contributing to the problem at hand.
- We learn new information, thus increasing our knowledge base to come up with new solutions rather than trying the same old ones (that haven’t worked), over and over.
- We change our thoughts, so that we let go of anger and past stories of failure and create the mental space to figure out how to lead others to a new reality.
- We change our communication style to be more resonant with the people we are persuading to change.
- We change our actions, showing our team that personal change is not only possible, but powerful.
Trying to change others leads to frustration. Changing ourselves leads to results. Max Planck, the originator of quantum theory, said it best, “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” When you truly understand how to change yourself, you will suddenly and miraculously see those around you change.