Leadership Insights

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What if Self-Improvement Has Gotten You Good Results?

When I tell clients that self-love is the foundation for self-growth and maximizing their capabilities, I can almost read their mind in response. “Yeah, sure it is, Amie. It’s great that you can sit around cross-legged, reveling in self-love, but I have things to get done!  Goals to hit! Business to grow! Self-improvement might be bad for me, but it has gotten me good results.”

I understand where those thoughts originate. I work daily with clients who cling to the idea of beating themselves up to get good results because that is all they have ever known. I, too, used to be unable to separate my desire to be my best self from using self-punishing techniques to accomplish my goals.

I am sharing one of my own painful stories today to help you understand why self-improvement is actually keeping you from being your best. I want you to know, I get it. I get the desire to cling to self-punishment when you believe it has gotten you results.

In September 2009, I embarked on a food detox, bad-habit purging and spiritual fasting where I took practically everything away from myself, except the air I was breathing, in order to further my career and my life.

Here are the kinds of goals I wrote for myself:

  • You will wake up each day determined to take advantage of all the opportunities that particular day has to offer.
  • You will make a list of things you want to accomplish the next day and face them head on.
  • You will create a life map of places to go and things to accomplish. You will think about your ultimate destination and take the steps to get there.

Maybe that list doesn’t look so bad to you. Maybe you have a similar list. Read the list again and look for these things:

  • A dictatorial tone of what you will do.
  • A lack of belief that you will do these things. (If you really believed you were going to do these things, you wouldn’t have to write them down for yourself. They would naturally happen.)
  • Sentences written in future tense. (When we don’t love ourselves and don’t truly believe we’ll do something, we often write in future tense. We do this because we like the idea of the action step, but aren’t ready to do the work.)

Guess what results I accomplished? None! (Unless depression is a desirable result.) Before my detox, purging and fasting, I already had a good reputation in the community. I was already the top sales person at my company. Friends would have said I was a great wife and mother. I was already successful, but I couldn’t see that my beliefs and self-improvement techniques weren’t expanding my success, they were limiting it.

Fast forward to January 2016. Self-love is now the daily foundation for myself and my work. My results now are shockingly different from my past. I make more money. I work fewer hours. I influence top leaders across the country. I am happier. Way happier. I am present in my home life. I know that I can and will accomplish my goals, because I am working from a foundation of love and I truly believe in my ability to accomplish the goals I set.

I bet the same is true for you too. I bet you are already successful at work and in life. But, ask yourself, are you punishing yourself to get those results? Because if you are, you are not operating at your fullest capabilities. You too can do more. And it can hurt a lot less. While self-improvement may get you results, those results are nowhere near your true capabilities.

 

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This year, Resolve to Ditch Self-Improvement. It is a Dangerous Habit.

Did you write a list of New Year’s Resolutions this year? If so, grab them now, wad them up in a big ball and throw them in the trash. You’ll thank me by the end of this article.

You want this year to be different, right? There are some things about yourself, your bad habits for example, that you really are ready to change? Right? Well, here is the one piece of behavioral change wisdom that no one has ever told you. Self-improvement has never helped anyone. Self-improvement is self-hatred in disguise.

Self-improvement starts with the thought process “I am not good enough.” When we feel not good enough we punish ourselves into being a better person. We attach ourselves to the sum of our bad habits and decide in order to prove our worth, we must let all of those bad habits go, all at once:

  • If we are good, we will make it the gym at 5 a.m.
  • If we are good, we will respond to all e-mails within one hour.
  • If we are good, we won’t lose our temper and yell at our children.
  • If we are good, we will make time daily to connect with our spouse.
  • If we are good, we won’t use television, wine and candy as a coping mechanism.

So, what happens when:

  • We wake up late and miss our morning work-out.
  • We have a day full of meetings where we cannot respond to e-mails within an hour.
  • We feel stressed so we come home and yell at our children.
  • We give our spouse a look that communicates clearly that connection time is not happening.
  • We lose ourselves in a television show while eating a box of hot tamales and drinking a glass of wine. (This is all theoretical, of course.)

When we don’t live up to the daunting task of “improving ourselves,” we give up. We cannot sustain the effort, because every mistake reinforces the very idea that prompted the journey; we are not good enough. This is why when people write a punishing list of self-improving New Year’s Resolutions, they give up by February 1. As humans, we can only sustain punishment so long before we give in. After all, this is why torture is used as a interrogation tactic.

In order to grow as a person and reach your maximum potential, you must learn to let go of the idea and practice of self-improvement. If you want different outcomes in your life, self-love is the only foundation that will get you there. When we believe that we are enough, exactly as we are, we have the energy and persistence to sustain the necessary effort for growth. We don’t attach ourselves to the outcome, because we already believe we are good enough. In other words, we can allow ourselves to make a mistake (like missing a workout) without feeling like a bad person.

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Setting the Right Metrics Predicts Growth

Metrics are a measurement tool that tell us how well we are performing on established action steps. Metrics include a form of measurement, a timeline and a target. Here are some common metrics:

  • Lose 10 lbs. by January 1
  • 5 million in sales by December 31
  • 20 new clients in November
  • 90% customer satisfaction on the monthly customer satisfaction report

The metric, losing 10 lbs. by January 1, tells us three things. It clarifies that the outcome of our actions will be measured by the amount of weight we lose. It sets a target of 10 lbs. The established timeline is by January 1, 2016.

Likewise, the metric 5 million in sales by December 31 tells us three things. The effectiveness of our actions will be measured by how much we sell. Our target is $5 million. The timeline for these sales is by December 31, 2015.

Metrics serve a critical role in strategic planning, but choosing the right measurement, target and timeline can be challenging. When we set lofty metrics, our brain shuts down in the face of the challenge. Because the target seems impossible, we lose our motivation to try. When we set low metrics, we are not challenged enough. We may perform below metric because we think we have it “in the bag” and don’t put forth enough effort.

The ideal metrics create an optimum level of discomfort for growth. They are neither too hard or too easy, but just right. We should struggle a little to achieve it, but not so much we want to quit. Setting these metrics at the right level includes a high degree of self-awareness and social awareness among leaders. But when the ideal metric is established, you will see your team rise to the challenge to meet it.

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Sales Goals Are Not Goals: Learn the Fine Art of Distinguishing Actions and Metrics

Have you ever written goals like these?

  • Lose 10 lbs.
  • 5 million in sales
  • 20 new clients
  • 90% customer satisfaction

Would it surprise you to know that these are not goals at all, but rather, are metrics? (I can hear your collective gasp.) Let me explain.

Losing 10 lbs. is not a goal because it does not include an action step. It does not tell you what you will do to lose 10 lbs. Will you eat less? Exercise more? Both?

Likewise, 5 million in sales is not a goal either. How will you achieve $5 million in sales? What specific actions will you take to reach the metric of $5 million in sales? Build relationships? Reduce prices? These are two vastly different approaches, neither of which are described in the simple phrase “5 million in sales.”

To bring a vision to life in a strategic plan – to take it beyond a daydream – you must take action. In fact, let’s ditch the word goal altogether and substitute the word action instead. When individuals think of the word goal, they usually think of the outdated SMART formula (Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Results-Oriented and Time Sensitive). While it is critically important to be specific about action steps, including measurement, results and a timeline in the goal statement confuses the purpose between actions and metrics.

Action steps tell you what to do. Metrics are an indicator of how well you are performing. Actions and metrics are interrelated, but they are not the same thing. The word action naturally separates itself from the idea of measurement, or metrics. It is, of course, important to measure progress, but not until you have clearly defined what actions you are going to take to realize your vision.

As you imagine your vision for the year, think concretely about the specific actions you and your team will need to take to make that vision reality. What are you and your team currently doing that supports the vision? What new actions do you need to take to realize the vision?

Vision and action are a team empowering, results-generating dynamic duo. When used properly, you can avoid both the daydream (inaction) and nightmare (wrong action) states of strategic planning.

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Save Yourself From the Nightmare of Strategic Planning: Have a Vision

When a strategic plan does not produce the planned results, lack of action is often cited as the culprit. It is a fair assessment. Writing a strategic plan does not produce results. Taking action on it does. Let’s consider for a second though, that there may be an even more sinister culprit behind ineffective strategic plans.

“Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.”

~Japanese Proverb

Many well written strategic plans lack vision. A vision is not a goal. A vision is not a succinctly written statement. A vision is a clear picture in your mind of what you are working to create. Visioning requires us to imagine the future so clearly and vividly in our own mind, that we empower others to see it. When we have a vision, we are seeing the future. What we can imagine, we can create. What we cannot imagine, we cannot create.

Lack of vision is like putting together a 5,000 piece puzzle without a picture of the completed puzzle. When an organizational vision is lacking, employees cannot envision the future they are working to create OR they have a starkly different vision of the future than leadership. This leads to frustration, apathy and dissension because everyone is working to create a different picture (vision) with the same puzzle pieces (action steps). It creates a nightmare.

When an organization has a clear vision for the future, employees actively participate in the creation of that future.  There is less resistance to taking strategic action because the anticipated end result is clear. We create the intended result because we can see, collaboratively and collectively, what we are working to create.

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Strategic Reflection: Your Success Depends on Answering These Tough Questions

It is my favorite time of year. Fall is near in the Midwest. The air is fresh and crisp, which serves as a cool juxtaposition to the warmth of the sun. The leaves on the trees are blushing with hints of orange and burnt auburn. The earth is letting go of that which has already bloomed, allowing a cycle of renewal and regrowth to follow.

While I am not Jewish, or a religious scholar, the idea of Rosh Hashanah has always resonated with me. Late summer/early fall feels like a great time for introspection. It is a great time to ask ourselves tough questions, to review the past year and look ahead to the next.

We are near the end of third quarter. If you have not yet done an in-depth review of your annual strategic plan, now is the time to do it. The visions and ideas that you planted in January have either bloomed, or they have not. You have taken the action steps to bring your vision to life, or you have not. You have openly embraced mistakes and revised your plan as needed, or you have not.

If you have not achieved what you intended to do, what better time than fall to take pause and ask yourself why?

  • Why did you spend endless hours creating a strategic plan only to stuff it in a drawer for the year?
  • Why are you more excited to create a vision than to execute it?
  • Why did some of your goals come to fruition and others did not?
  • Why did your team appear to be excited about the plan, but then resist executing it?

It is not the answer to these questions that we should fear, but rather not asking them at all. Not asking the tough questions keeps us from consciously creating the results we desire. It encourages us to hold onto the past. By not asking the tough questions, we allow our failures to define us. We cannot succeed, because we are too drained by our past mistakes to have the energy to create the future.

With introspection, we identify the gap between ideas and results. With reflection, we learn from our mistakes so we are not doomed to repeat them.